oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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