I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
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