allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
