I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
