I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
