Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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