how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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