We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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