She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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