You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
