Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We need to get me chipped asap
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
