sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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