"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
