We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
