If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize