Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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