turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
