just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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