i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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