I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
