My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
