my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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