my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
