Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
