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I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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