Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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