I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
