i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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