Where are you?
In a non slutty way
smell my finger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
