My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
