I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am mentally ready for anal.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
