ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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