when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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