I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
