I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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