I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
