my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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