Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
