I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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