Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
