I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
