Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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