So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
