I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
