Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
