I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
