Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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