I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
