just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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