I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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