his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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