I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize