It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dicks are not precious.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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