And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
