You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
