I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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