oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dear god my vagina.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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