I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
