My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
