It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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