please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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