worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
