He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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