He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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