I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
