I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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