I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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