I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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