It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
