I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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